An Inbetweenie Guest Post

Our very first Guest Post!! My best friend had some thoughts about a miserable shopping trip she had recently and she was so very kind to write us a blog post about it! Please lend your ears to the Inbetweenie Midwife!

Hello Friends.

Shock me sane! Does this sound familiar?

What a wonderful leisurely shopping day! I’m gonna find me some cute, sassy dresses for my favorite season, fall. I’ve got a tight budget but I’m an expert bargain shopper/tag switcher/whats-ugly-has-character kind of gal.
I’ve got Old Friend with me, we’ve had such good times! We have a history! We can shop AND bitch AND reminisce! Delicious.

We stop in one of those funky boutique stores that used to be a refrigerator repair shop but then they threw some billowy curtains on the cracked floor to ceiling windows, put some long tables full of boyfriend tees out on the rotting wood floor and put on some Arcade Fire. It smells like Amazon shipments and Febreeze. I cringe, if there isn’t a vat for me to dig through or the aroma of mothballs to suffocate in, I feel like They are gonna come get me. You know.

Old Friend trots happily in and immediately begins to rummage through the organic, vegetable and French saliva dyed tees that are ONLY $20 each!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe the bargains?! Can you?! Can you?! Can you?!

I wander around aimlessly finding item after item that is A)too expensive and B) the smallest size 12 I’ve EVER seen. Oh wait, do they mean 12 year olds? Is this a new thing? Am I old now?

Aaaaaanyway, Old Friend now has a pile of “deals” that include 2 French saliva tees and 2 pairs of skinny jeans in the largest size the store carries. Size 12. Which is really a size 10, after a series of deep knee bends. I know this because I heard her discussing sizing with the Dude who runs the store. “Oh yeah,” he says, “they’ll stretch out, and this season the skinny leg is totally hot.”

Record scratch.

OF and I are just about the same size. She is taller than me, but we are both squarely in the higher side of the Inbetweenie world. What do you think you’re doing?

I sit on the leather couch outside the dressing room waiting for her (I’m sweating against the leather and I wonder how many other people have sweated against the leather…I’m going to get Herpes*). She comes out wearing pants that are skinny alright. Here’s the thing: she is not. Oops.

She walks stiff legged over to me and before I can offer an honest take on her paint-on-pants the Dude swoops in and tells her how great they look and how, again, they will stretch out and in the fall she can stuff her boots in them because they are skinny!

She looks pleased. I look pissed. He looks pleased. I look pissed.

She turns to me and says, “Well they are only $200 with the 10% discount (NOTE: that is bullshit) and I really need some slim pants for the fall. I’m going to get two pairs.”

“Are you sure you want to? I mean, have you sat down yet? Can you sit down in those?”, I say with my worried pigeon eyes.

She walks to the sweat couch and sits. It’s like a bakery and I learn she is wearing yellow underpants. Yellow on purpose, she’s not dirty.

“It’s a little stiff, but they’ll stretch out”, she says with hope.

“Those are our most popular fit. I can’t even keep them in stock!”, says the Dude swooping in for the kill.

Off she goes to pay and I am left wondering if I am insane or the worst friend ever.

We leave the store and she is disappointed that I did not buy any Pakistani Orphan Hair sweaters or French saliva tees.

“Eh,” I hedge, “It was too expensive and…honestly it was all really small. I’m just not willing to smoosh myself into clothes anymore. Their size 12 was an 8 in 10’s clothing. Can we go to (NAME OF COOL PLUS SIZE STORE I’VE HAD BITCHIN’ LUCK FINDING STUFF THAT FITS ME)?”

“Yeah, I totally understand that if you’re a bigger size it can be hard. I’m totally happy with my size, I’ve just been really good lately. But,” she says and I feel my face twitch, “lets go to that place across the street first, I need some boots. We’ll try to go to (NAME OF COOL PLUS SIZE STORE I’VE HAD BITCHIN’ LUCK FINDING STUFF THAT FITS ME) but it’s a fat person store. What am I going to find there?”

All together now: PANTS THAT FIT.

You all know how the rest of this day goes, my scant savings stays intact and OF buys more Latin Baby Eyelash pants that are painfully small and boots to match.

At the end of the day, I feel like I’ve been through psychological testing. Why couldn’t I get through? Was I not honest enough? Again, am I the worst friend ever?

Which brings me to this guest blog. When I met Joy Nash she served as my midwife. She ushered me into fully accepting my body and self and made me finally and completely feel comfortable with my Inbetweenie self. She delivered me into feeling good about myself in any store, any size and any place. And now friends, old and new, I offer you my trials, tribulations and contemplations in helping those on either side of the size fault feel happy, healthy and beautiful.

I’m the Inbetweenie Midwife. At your service.

*Don’t write me letters. I KNOW you cannot get Herpes from a couch. I have nothing against Herpes. Some of my best friends are Herpes.


16 Responses to “An Inbetweenie Guest Post”

  1. 1 Vidya September 24, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    “Saliva-dyed tees”? My reaction to this — whatever ‘this’ is — officially makes me old, I guess. :-p

  2. 2 The WellRounded Mama September 25, 2010 at 1:01 am

    Thank you, inbetweenie midwife, for sharing your experience. Yay, Joy, for doula-ing inbetweenie midwife to body acceptance!

  3. 3 cheaplyvaluable September 25, 2010 at 8:22 am

    I can relate so much to being an inbetweenie and have even done that squeezing into clothes crap. I have never been above a 16 or below a twelve. My biggest mistake was getting rid of my sixteen pants when I got into a twelve for a little while. I was in painted on pants in no time, scrounging for my worn out fourteens that would be oh so comfortable if they were a sixteen. Thanks for the post it is very relatable!

  4. 4 Veronica September 26, 2010 at 10:03 am

    “We stop in one of those funky boutique stores that used to be a refrigerator repair shop but then they threw some billowy curtains on the cracked floor to ceiling windows, put some long tables full of boyfriend tees out on the rotting wood floor and put on some Arcade Fire.” I cringed just reading this. Any place that’s *that* hip will operate on the 12=10 and 10=8 (and so on) size scheme.

  5. 5 Donna plus size diva September 28, 2010 at 6:00 am

    I enjoyed reading the post…your blog often offers top notch articles jam packed with lots of useful and interesting info. This post is no exception….so I hope to see more guest posts in the future as I enjoy reading them. Keep it up girl!

  6. 6 Laur September 28, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    Thanks for the awesome post Inbetweenie, made me smile! I’ve been obsessed with clothes since the first time I met an actual midwife, but have always walked that “fault line”… never being the same size from store to store (despite actually having the same sized body) can get tiresome, especially since I find myself on the border of +/- sizes. Really, is there some kind of gap there that they just can’t sew clothes for? Anyway, thanks for choosing jeans based on how they fit rather than the label no one sees, it took me a surprisingly long time to work that one out! Glad to have inbetweenie solidarity 😉

  7. 7 Jess September 29, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Yay, I’m an inbetweenie too! 12-18, depending on the brand, the item, and the style. I hope you’ll post here again!

  8. 8 kimstrauss September 30, 2010 at 10:30 am

    This post was hilarious! What I get from it isn’t so much about being in between fat and thin, so much as how to you deal with friends who refuse to buy clothes in their own size. I have been on both sides of that situation… and it sucks. When the person I’m shopping with is trying to squeeze into clothes that don’t fit, I try to be nice and sort of beat around the bush… at first. If they still don’t get it, then it’s time for tough love. Not tough as in “you look like shit” but more like “those pants are too small for you, and they look too small for you, so size up. you look uncomfortable and you’ll be miserable wearing that.”

    it doesn’t always work.

  9. 9 cheaplyvaluable November 11, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    Today, I took back the twelves I exchanged my sixteens for last year at the consignment store. Luckily they had several perfect fitting sixteens to replace my old ones. It feels so good to wear pants I can eat in!

  10. 10 Jenna December 9, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    again… clap clap THANK YOU you are hilarious and please post more often!!! as an inbetweenie from 12-14 respectively i can SO RELATE

  11. 11 A.D. December 9, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    I hate stores that either don’t carry or refuse to carry bigger than a size..large :p

  12. 15 Candice January 24, 2011 at 7:42 am

    I’m a shrinking size 16, but my BFF is a size 2. We’re not even remotely close to shopping at the same stores and probably never will be. However, I do have to give props to her because she will always go with me to any store that has my size and give awesome fashion advice. I constantly text her pics of outfits I’m contemplating for an evening out if I’m unsure of the look. She’s awesome and I don’t know what I’d do without her. She was my BFF when I was a size 18 and she supports me in my efforts to be fit. Whatever I decide for me, she’s there and supportive.

  13. 16 Jennifer Allen January 24, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    This Inbetweenie Queenie can relate! The diff between you and your O.F. is that you know your fabulosity is not measured by tag size. GREAT post!

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