Inbetweenie Guest Post #2

Another guest post from the Inbetweenie Midwife! I’ve been working on a few videos that I’ll post soon, but in the meanwhile, here is my best friend and yours with some words on pants.

I live in los angeles. Thusly, bodies rule supreme. THUSLY your worth is judged by your outward appearance. How does a fat/inbetweenie/flat chested/short girl survive!?

“Oh yeah! It must SUCK to lose weight!”

Let’s talk about this for a second. My favorite pair of jeans don’t fit. Not because i’ve shoveled in one too many Bloomin’ Onions (IBS…not pretty), but because in the recent weeks of working and rushing around I’ve lost a few stress related pounds.

I’m sad.
The pants that used to make my Inbetweenie bum look cute and sassy, now sag sadly like my SOUL. I made an offhanded remark to a Smart Independent Talented Friend the other day, about how I was sad about my favorite jeans looking like a bloodhound on my ass, and she said, “Oh yeah! it must SUCK to lose weight!”.

Okay, lets go a little deeper into this.
Are you ready for this?
Can you handle it?
Clench something.

I FEEL BETTER WHEN I’M FATTY.

Contrary to what my mother and Los Angeles would have you believe, I LIKE myself better when i’m chubby. When i’m CURVY. When i’m FAT.

I have a deep seated association with with being thin and depressed. Its actually very simple:

The times that I have been happy and healthy I have been fat. The times I have been depressed and self hating, I have been thin.

When I am fat I feel sexy, satisfied and glowing.
When I am thin, I feel awkward, weak and not myself.

I’m sure there is some psychological reason for the above that will eventually afford me 20 cats and a goldfish I call Daddy, but until then I’m at peace with it.

I guess what I’m asking is for folks to understand that happiness and size do not come in one package. I am offended by the assumption that weight loss MUST be a happy accident. How can I be the only person who mourns the loss of her ass?

Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying to start eating bacon fat sandwiches and throw away your gym card because fat will make you happy. I AM saying take a look at the time line of your life and ask yourself if your best body and best person walk hand in hand. In my opinion they should.

I’m the Inbetweenie Midwife. At your service.

8 Responses to “Inbetweenie Guest Post #2”


  1. 1 Jenna December 9, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    OMFG! I LOVE you inbetweenie and you surely SURELY saved my day. I, too am an inbetweenie FA blogger extolling the virtues of my lusciousness…. until this morning…. until I tried on a winter pair of pants too snug… then suddenly it was like hitting the panic button in the war room.. in my brain generals were screaming orders, missiles were being programmed and centered… all those nasty thoughts of dieting, self hatred and loathing came rushing back as if I had not been doing the fabulous work of self love these past few months.

    Added to that now was a mix of, “can I blog about this? my doubt? my worry… what does it mean to accept this…until this gets larger? will the FA community reject me because I am not 100% conclusively and always loving myself?”

    Then I read your story here and thought, really thought… wow this is also true for ME. When I cut the wheat, how I really feel at a size, from the chaff, societal pressure feelings of guilt blame loservilleness…. then I realized yes actually I feel the same way. When I am passing as thin I am in constant fear of gaining, fear of food, I am miserable I am usually sick or depressed. When I am back at my solid size that I am now its usually due to happiness as well a life well lived of eating drinking and making merry. and I, too at the core of it when I really give it thought… i feel better as a fatty too. It feels like ME… who and what my body and who I am.

    Thank you for bringing me back from that panic. I am so grateful for your message today. You eased one poor self torturing soul.

    i LOVE YOU FA community!!!!!!

  2. 2 Inbetweenie Midwife December 9, 2010 at 9:51 pm

    Jenna,

    You eased my soul too. It’s nice to have a community huh? What is your blog called?

    Enjoy the holidays and buy yourself some rockin’ new pants!

    ~Inbetweenie Midwife

  3. 4 A.D. December 9, 2010 at 11:22 pm

    Sorry to hear about your ass, hope you get it back. Loved the post. Very true.

  4. 5 cheaplyvaluable December 10, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    I came to this same conclusion a couple of months ago. Last year I lost over twenty pounds just to prove that I could to people like my sister in law whom made phony concerned remarks on facebook to mutual friends about my husband’s marriage pounds. We both then started with the depressing act of slimming down before a big family reunion where all of these “concerned” people would gather. He lost 30 lbs, and I lost 25 lbs going from 175 to 150 at 5’1. Around Christmas, I was wondering why I was so depressed after reaching my goal. I was constantly watching the scale and feeling like crap in my clothes, oh, and trying to hold down my natural hunger. This Christmas is totally different; I have all 25 lbs back and will never have a “weight loss goal” again. I now have my energy back and don’t get out of breath like I did when I was hungry. You have made such a good point! Thank You

  5. 6 Elena December 19, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    So be fat. It is more important to be happy than sad.

  6. 7 synj March 21, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    Oh, how I relate to this post!

    on clothes: I have a hard time finding clothes, and alter what I do find. I also sew some of my own clothes and took six weeks to nail down a fitting sloper (basically a base pattern you can use to alter any other pattern to fit your body quirks exactly). It takes a lot of effort to do so, and when my size drops it all gets droopy!

    on unexpected weight loss: I get migraines, and at one point a new neurologist put me on a drug known for extreme weight loss (hey, you’ll stop getting headaches and drop a ton of weight!). Turns out it is just an appetite suppressant. Except, I practice intuitive eating, so that’s a problem. I’d be working all day and then realize I had a horrid migraine and felt woozy. Turned out, I hadn’t eaten all day! I had a low blood sugar headache on top of the migraine. (plus, the drug absolutely did squat for my headaches, and made me unable to form sentences or do math). Everyone tried to say how lucky I was, and would not listen to me that it was horrid to not know when to eat and to be too nauseous from not eating to keep anything down when I did remember!

    • 8 Jenna March 23, 2011 at 12:49 pm

      I, too went on a migraine med that was supposed to lose weight Topamax… the doc wanted to weight me I was like…noooo… he got all excited about it… It did not make me lose weight and the weird pins and needles crawling sensation across my face and toes was enough that and the weird night vision thing… it was activating old tracers of the 2 times I took acid in college which totally creeped me out.


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