MD… BA in Theatre… What’s the difference?

So earlier this week, when I was still in Chicago, I got one of those “Unavailable” phone calls.  Usually this means 1 of 3 things.  1) my friend Adriana is calling me.  2) the mysterious European mobster I lost my virginity wants to say hello. (for reals).  Or,  3) Fox News wants something. 

This time it was Fox News.  They wanted me to be on TV in 2 hours.  I said “Oh, sorry.  I’m in Chicago, but what’s going on?”
They needed a Health Expert ASAP to comment on Dunkin Donuts new trans-fat policy.  “Oh, we need someone to say that -it’s great that’s they’ve stop using trans-fats, but it’s still not a license to go out and eat as many donuts as you can…”

CAN YOU EFFING BELIEVE IT??!!  
For starters: 
I have a degree in Theatre from the University of Southern California.  Apparently this makes me a Health Expert in the eyes of FOX News. 

Then: 
DUNKIN DONUTS!??  WHO THE EFF CARES ABOUT DUNKIN DONUTS!!  I can’t tell you the last time I ate at Dunkin Donuts.  Do we even have them in California?  I think I tried to use the ATM there in Chicago.  Shouldn’t Fox at least try to find a donut fan to moralize on this subject?  Somebody who really has a stake in what’s going on?

Next:  
I’ll speak for Donut eaters everywhere when I say:  “I don’t need your PERMISSION to do ANYTHING, Mr. TV News Channel!!  YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME.”  Seriously??! Do you really think I’m sitting here, restrained in my chair, rabidly salivating over the mountains of glorious food that float past me- held back from tearing them to peices with my teeth, SOLELY by the fact that YOU HAVEN’T SAID IT’S OK??!!  Puh leeze.  In the words of another famous fatty: “whatEVA.  I do what I want!!”

 Geez.

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13 Responses to “MD… BA in Theatre… What’s the difference?”


  1. 1 Tink August 30, 2007 at 8:49 pm

    Wow…I mean…wow. The stupidity abounds. I’ve never much cared for FOX news, but geeze people do you not have two brain-cells with which to rub together to make even the tiniest of spark thought? *sigh* I’m not even a huge donut fan, I’m suprised they didn’t call me, lol.

  2. 2 Rachel August 30, 2007 at 10:13 pm

    Wouldn’t it be wonderful though if you ostensibly agreed to be on TV to say what they wanted you to say, and then actually said what you posted above? I mean, it’s live right? What are they gonna do? Cut to commercial?

  3. 3 Autumn August 30, 2007 at 10:44 pm

    Do these people even have a clue what you stand for? Or did they just google fat and assume that if you were ranting against it, you must tow the party line?

    P.s. You are wonderful. That is all :-)

  4. 4 vesta44 August 31, 2007 at 12:04 am

    Personally, if I ever ate Dunkin Donuts, I wouldn’t be eating them now with the trans fats gone. No trans fats changes the taste (not for the better), makes them heavier and greasier, and doesn’t do a thing for weight loss. So what’s the point of the change? Are they going to take the trans fats out of their dairy products too?
    And Fox News probably didn’t pay attention to your fat rant. If they had, they sure as hell would have known better than to call you to say that just because trans fats are gone from donuts doesn’t give us fatties a right to eat all we want.
    I agree with you whole-heartedly, whateva, I do what I want. No one is my boss.

  5. 5 fillyjonk August 31, 2007 at 1:04 am

    Do you really think I’m sitting here, restrained in my chair, rabidly salivating over the mountains of glorious food that float past me- held back from tearing them to peices with my teeth, SOLELY by the fact that YOU HAVEN’T SAID IT’S OK??!!

    YES. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY THINK.

    I mean, it’s Fox News. They’re the same people who think that the only reason every man in America, including Bill O’Reilly, isn’t constantly rimming each other is that gay marriage is still illegal.

  6. 6 Meowser August 31, 2007 at 1:40 am

    Bear in mind that Fox (possibly not incorrectly) assumes a mental age of its viewership of roughly 6 years old. Yes, they really DO think they are Big Mommy telling people, “No, you can’t have a donut, you can’t have a same-sex partner, those are bad,” and the sheeple are going, “WAAAAAH, I really want one! But if you say it’s bad, I won’t, Mommy, ’cause you’re so smart!”

  7. 7 Dame Wendy August 31, 2007 at 3:18 am

    Seeing an “expert” on FOX news will never be the same. And to call you about Dunkin donuts! Classy. Man, that’s just, I don’t even know what to say. Seriously…geez is right.

  8. 8 Tari August 31, 2007 at 3:31 am

    Fox News looking for commentators who fit their chosen flavor of spin, without even a nod to qualifications, evidence, or (what we in the reality-based community call) the truth?

    Here’s my surprise face.

  9. 9 The Rotund August 31, 2007 at 5:47 pm

    You’re a Health expert in the same way MeMe Roth is a health expert – except you aren’t claiming cred you don’t have. You’re a recognizable person who has been vocal on what they consider to be a health issue.

    And, while I GET why they did it (which cracks me up in and of itself because, dude, I may be taking the whole figuring out other people’s motivations thing a little too far), it still cracks me UP.

  10. 10 nikki September 1, 2007 at 4:02 pm

    Wait – you had a European mobster too?! There is something to be said about a youthful affair with a European mobster. The thing with Fox News is very annoying and irritating. And you gave a great response. My mind will now turn back to warm memories of European mobsters.

  11. 11 Kell Brigan September 2, 2007 at 6:55 pm

    Re. West Coast doughnuts:

    No Dunkin Donuts in California, Oregon, or Arizona that I’ve seen (although there are a couple in Seattle.) Out here, we’ve been innundated by Krispy Kreme, which I think hails from Georgia. They’re OK, but too high a glaze-to-donut ratio, in my opinion. Also, I’m a big cruller fan, and their “crullers” are just cake donuts fried in a cruller-shaped mold. In other words, egg-free crullers; an outrage. I shall be registering my protest down at Happy Luck Donut Tuesday morning.

  12. 12 Carrie September 3, 2007 at 1:55 am

    Joy,

    I don’t have cable, but if you said that on TV, you can be damn sure I would subscribe. Just for that. Seriously.

    I’m personally a fan of the Fractured Prune. It’s like Coldstone, but for donuts. I don’t care what they’re cooked in- when I want a donut, that’s where I head. ;)

  13. 13 Jon B. September 3, 2007 at 8:53 am

    That’s why I watch CNN. :P
    (Minus Sanjay misinterpeting the whole thing 90% of the time [And rarely questioning any study, even though he has a Doctorate.... I guess that makes him so much better])
    This post made me feel all yummy inside. You have such confidence, good views, and I’m shocked at how blantaly idiotic they are about this: They could have at least cleverly coded it as they normally do.


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